Sunday, 23 September 2012

The DanHammer

In a concerted effort to return my brain to tip top condition I have embarked on a body reconditioning program which should return my physique to the incredible marvel of a nutritious diet, regular exercise and vice less paragon I was before I embarked on a career in yachting.

My brain has already started to bear fruit and I have been thinking on how to improve my internet experience. My findings are the framework for an application which could have far reaching consequences.

Much like the advertisement and pop up blockers from days gone by the DanHammer ™ works like this.

The user completes a profile to create a settings file, for example.

I have no interest in reality television
I have no interest in the *stars* of it
I do not subscribe to political manifestoes
I detest talent shows
I am not religious

The DanHammer program then acts as a proxy filter hiding away these wastes of space. A logic routine might looks like this

Key word Kardashian found
Trigger Delete offending text, ban website, block facebook friend
Key word Simon Cowell found
Trigger Send Abusive email
Key word X-Factor picture
Trigger Replace with picture of Llama

Already the users internet experience is far better. This is not censorship. It is taking out the trash.

Sadly my body reconditioning program is taking up far too much of my time for me to pursue this further but I take heart that some of my previous ideas were inspiration for this little app.

Monday, 10 September 2012

Desert House

Following by camel caravan slowly after Cowboy Trance comes the Deckhand Desert House mix. I recorded this mix this morning after feeling suitably inspired. Kind of rough like my shaving after a night out but like my shaving I figure something is better than nothing. My Wife has been asking me to record a house mix for as long as we have been together so this one is for her and my brothers struggling in this flaming Desert.

Sunday, 9 September 2012

One more Reason

I miss being the Med for summer.

Yes I do know one of the crew members. No I do not know Beyonce and Jay Z. Yet.

Monday, 3 September 2012

Words left unread

A friend emailed me wondering what had been happening for the last couple of months. To be perfectly honest I have not been enjoying this part of the world greatly. I have plenty of uncharitable words to write about here. Perhaps it would be enlightening to write what I miss instead of writing what I do not like.

  • I miss walking off my gangway and being somewhere hospitable
  • I miss grass and trees
  • I miss seeing skin
  • I miss seeing faces for that matter
  • I miss people obeying traffic laws
  • I miss sub 30 degree temperatures
  • I miss meeting other crews from boats
  • I miss hearing languages that I sort of understand
  • I miss freedom, you don't realise what you have until it is taken away

On a slightly more positive note we should be leaving here at the end of September. I am booked in for a course in November in England and will be trying my best to schedule a few days in London to see a few people.

I have also requested a months holiday at Christmas and I will drown and douse myself in all those things I miss.