This speech is what I spoke at the Wedding. It is missing a small hastily added paragraph which is in the official video which may see the light of day in the future. This speech is unique in that it was created completely at sea. The sea is a great place to write speeches, rough weather aside the lack of distractions and outside interference make for a powerful prism.
I have the honour of having witnessed the first meeting of Jana and Richard.
Using my formidable powers of deduction I can pin point this as happening about 12:15 am on the 28th of April 2002 at a location of 36.85 degrees South 174.764 degrees East give or take a sub atomic particle.
The antics of this morning have already gone down in history. I do believe there were sparks and like all Gibbs affairs there was the faint smell of burning wood.
My wife and I travelled 9127 nautical miles to be here. 6,445 of them were by sea. This speech was conceived off the coast of Sicily, matured in the gulf of Aden and bore fruit in the Maldives.
Free wine aside, and what incredible wine it is.
Why are we here ?
Well, everybody that knows Richard is an incredibly caring, witty and smart guy.
He also has a bottomless capacity for dispensing helpful advice.
After listening carefully for close to a decade I thought this would be a very opportune time to repay the favour with some choice bullet points.
I will be available for one on one sessions after formal proceedings and am happy to clear up any questions any one might have.
-Always Surround yourself with good listeners. If people are not listening, talk louder.
-Yawning is the brains way of flushing itself with cool air. If people are yawning, their brains are malfunctioning and they are not as cool as us. Obviously.....
-If you are going to tell people about the car accidents you were in that were not your fault don't tell them while you are driving.
-Please keep other peoples clothes on
-Cats do not need to be encouraged to meow. Ever!
-Wearing a camera around your neck does make you look interesting but it can also make you look annoying.
-Encourage your wife to go shopping.
-Finally your wife is always right,,,,,, When she is not always right there is always beer
With this infallible knowledge I am sure Richard and Jana will go on to foster a wonderful marriage.
I am also sure I will be receiving some more advice soon.
Thanks once again to everybody who has been a part of the wedding.