Sunday, 7 March 2010

El Fuerte the Horse Killer

So there we were, booted out of Abu Dhabi and anchored off shore. We were cleaning the boat and conversation was sparse. I delved into a special conversation starter that I had been saving for over a year. Feel free to use it at your next cocktail mixer or when ever there is an uncomfortable silence.

"Would you kill a horse with your bare hands for a million dollars?"

Now think about that question. There are a few considerations. There are the physical problems of killing a horse. They are large animals and have powerful legs. They can also run very fast. A successful kill would require subterfuge and a good deal of luck.

Also think about the emotional problems. What kind of person could kill a horse ? Let alone with nothing but his/her body.

I got a wide variety of answers, one of our security detail would not only have killed a horse; he would also engage in enthusiastic love making with one for a million dollars.

The real surprise was the always very mild mannered and perhaps borderline LOCO, El Fuerte.

His steely eyes narrowed and said "I would kill a horse for a million dollars"

Every spare moment since this conversation has seen El Fuerte puzzling over how to kill a horse. His solutions included.

"Jumping on a horse and biting its neck"

"Eye gouging"

"A flurry of jaw breaking boots"

I could not kill a horse for a million dollars. My respect for horses is well documented. My only real contribution to this conversation was to somehow have a horse fall in love with me and then leave breaking it's heart and therefore killing it.

El Fuerte has since emailed his sister who is studying to be a veterinarian asking for horse weak spots. She has replied you could theoretically kill a horse with a heart stopping punch ala Kill Bill.

Woe betide any horse spotted in our travels I fear for it's life.
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