Sunday, 12 April 2009

Viva La Success!

Our arrival into France was surprisingly painless. Customs waved ourselves and our bags through. We had time to admire the sun rising over the tarmac and made our way to the mysteriously named terminal two. After the briefest of stops to engage the foot operated toilet flushing mechanisms we checked into our connecting flight to Nice. It was here where things turned very continental.

Not content with perusing my laptop. French authorities made it quite clear in two different languages that they would like to handle my wedding ring, glasses, Nintendo DS and portable hard drive. The final indignity was having to remove my belt and walk through the security scanner hitching my jeans with my hands. Whilst I am not one for dropping my pants without good reason I almost felt obligated to lose them just because. You know? My suffering did not end here. I left my glasses behind and now am sunglassless in a foreign land.

The flight to Nice was delightful and the sweeping vista of the French Riviera as we landed was breathtaking. I do believe I was speechless and wordless for about 5 minutes. Thankfully I have recovered otherwise you might not be reading this right now,

Our incredible host Kira greeted us at the Airport and we made our our way to a bus terminal where we could find a bus going to Antibes. The bus was incredibly busy. Our booty laiden packs swollen with sarongs and wizard robes were far too large for the the ailse. Using dormant muscles I placed them both in over head luggage compartments. It was here that the Driver made it quite clear in incomprehensible French that my wifes pack could destroy someone if it fell. I stowed it carefully by the door and our bus ride began. After a few minutes of the bus journey I understood the drivers luggage stowing reservations. He appeared to have difficulty using his break pedal in a meaningful manner. He may have in fact had a illness which meant he used a toilet a lot because he seemed to be a vigourous break pumper.

Still it was a deligtful journey and I was offered seats by the bus patrons on many occasions, so out of sorts I must have looked. I was at pains to stress with my well versed sign language that I had to watch my pack and the driver in case I needed to use my freshly learned Sea Safety, Fire fighting and First aid abilities. The was an endearing fellow who stood by the door and ranted and raved for about fourty minutes. What he was discussing is still a mystery. I can only guess he is a distant relation of the last commuting comedian I met and he was perfecting his stand up (ho ho ho)

It was during our bus drive that I decided a large bottle of Gin would be the best cure for the out of sortness of 35 hours continuous travelling had rendered me. Our apartment is delightful. It was two balconies, three computers and two bathrooms. It is also adorned with the most eclectic mishmash of ornaments I have seen anywhere. I will discuss these at length when I have taken some suitable photos.

We eventually ventured out to find coffee and groceries (gin).We sat near the beach and I made sure I gave plenty of nice angles for the swelling throng of Papparrazi that watched my every move. A puzzling naming convention I have noticed is that the supermarkets are called Casinos. This may explain the lottery when it comes to be served. The check out attendant was cute so I will excuse her rudeness. I was just happy to be carrying a bottle of gin on our way home.

After plugging in my laptop I made a good attempt at drinking all of my bottle of gin and writing at the same time. Sadly my drinking was more enthusiastic than my writing and about 1 hour in I retired to my bunk bed to let my blood alcohol levels lower to more manageable levels.

Sadly when I arose four hours later my blood alcohol levels had dropped to dangerously low levels and I had the appearance of a ghost with a really bad hangover. The ad hoc family here were quick to administer more alcohol and we sat down to eat a fabulous meal. Did I mention I am living with two chefs now?

Tales were told. I warned the household I am restraining my wit until I have learned important facts. I now know we have three aquarians, two geminis and one Leo. This would explain the fact We get on like a house on Fire. Five air signs and one Fire sign will cause fire. I know this.

At 1am we retired to bed and I sit now writing my blog. Life is pretty fucking awesome. Don't you think?
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