Thursday, 4 December 2008

Double O %$#$

I must first share the impetus to write this tale. Recently I reacquainted myself with an interesting chap who had told me how he dressed up in his Mondays best and strolled around Queen street for a couple of hours pretending he was a lawyer. This appealed to my inner child and for the past two weeks I have fabricated a rich and luscious spy alter personality. This may or may not have coincided with the New Zealand release of a 007 movie. The key visual element of this saga may have conceded a passing resemblance to myself.

Infiltrating the nucleus of Auckland city. I have wandered the streets noticing key infrastructure. Internet cafes, bars and thai restaurants have been diligently transcribed to my incredibly advanced didactic memory. I have sat amongst the drone bees. I have dodged news paper vendors. Ran the pedestrian gauntlet. I have danced through raindrops and merrily draughted buses as I vaulted road crossings. A million imaginary super spy foes have been lost, taunted, shot, maimed and dressed up in womens clothing to good measure.

But today it all came crashing down when I realised in my haste to mount and ride a bus I had left my precious falsified identity wallet on a park bench. This huge oversight caused much consternation on my ride home. My mission was in tatters. Various huge entities had to be told of my huge expense cards would have to be suspended. World share markets plunged on this news. My ride home was a pained and aggressive interrogation of my bag. What was worse was the foreboding dread I was feeling knowing I would have to report to my partner in spying what I had done. I was a dead man.......

Using some of my finely honed corporate communication skills learned in the last two weeks. I vocalised a quick knock up press release to my partner. I was not to blame. It would be ok. I had taken nessasary precautions.......

And I waited......

And then it came.

News of my wallet being handed into a government department who is sympathethic to my cause.

I knew there was a reason I had those business cards made.
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