Thursday, 6 November 2008

SOGPS

Gather close for two sides of a story. A mild affliction that seems all the more valid after a few thousand kilometers. Perhaps you can empathize with me, perhaps you are a SOGPS.

Significant Other Global Positioning System or SOGPS is a curious transcendental state that afflicts me whenever I get in a car to drive anywhere with my significant other. A sometimes gentle, sometimes firm voice coerces me towards my destination. Soliciting advice on traffic conditions and alternate routes, it evens helps me to park.

Strangely enough when you are in a foreign country, driving on a scooter the SOGPS seems to go silent. In fact I thought my SOGPS was broken. Imagine my surprise upon entering a car after returning home my SOGPS awoke from its slumber. I cursed in several languages and even wondered out loud how things would be if our situations were reversed. My significant other took the bait. I smiled, content in my ability to remain silent even under torture. Sadly it was only a few minutes into our trip when I found myself giving the same infuriating advice. I am not sure what witchcraft exists in modern motor vehicles but it is surely illegal.

I can not see a way out, short of gagging the significant other whilst driving. I have given this some more thought and I am sure a straight jacket would also be needed to shut down dangerous hand signals. I then thought it is probably not wise to drive someone gagged and bound on the open road. But that is just me, it seemed to work OK for the Egyptian hearse drivers.

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Tomorrow we head South towards a large cold snap. It is my hope that this shock therapy will provide me with the impetus I am after. At the very least our SOGPS should be disabled in Timaru.
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