Thursday, 30 October 2008

Gainfully Unemployed

The relentless lobotomy that is being unemployed is wearing thin. For a day in the life of a non traveling freelance writer enjoy my diary of today.

5:15am Phone alarm awakes us from slumber.
5:20am Prepare daily vitamins and coffee.
5:30am Get in car to drive wife to temporary job.
5:31am Get in Father in laws car to move it because it is blocking our car.
5:33am Start driving car to town.
5:35am Wife starts complaining of a smell, could be dog shit.
5:36am I get out of car and preform a disparate shuffle to remove imagined dog shit from my shoes.
5:38am Wife remarks it may not have been dog shit and in fact my morning breath.
5:39am I muse quietly on how tender my ego is before 6 in the morning.
6:00am I drop my Wife off at her job.
6:30am I attend the gym. Gyms are a lot less fun when you left your portable sound system in Thailand
7:10am After a brief breakfast I start packing our stuff for a move to Albany.
7:15am Father in law comments on Max the dog greeting him with a fart this morning from her cage.
8:00am I apply for a couple of jobs. I wish to follow one up but the phone number is in Australia. I am not fond of calling Australians. They should call me.
10:00am I move all of our stuff bar some food to our new temporary residence in Albany.
11:00am I return to K9Heaven to be greeted as honey by father in law.
11:15am I begin to write furiously about what an obtuse day I have had so far.
11:30am I pimp my menial skills out to a good friend. He seems interested, perhaps even pity.
12:15pm I applied for another job and am feeling hungry. Who would have guessed not working is hard work?
12:22pm I have learned that someone has flagged my blog url as offensive or spam on facebook. Without right of reply or recourse I am suitably aggrieved and am dangerously frustrated.
12:45pm I make and eat a lunch which suits the occasion.

-Two slices of vogels bread toasted
-Tomato Relish
-200 grams of Tomato and Basil tuna (low fat)

1:15pm I make haste to the gym where Pete the trainer is going to attack a part of my body. Today it is the core...
1:30pm Had a great time, chatting, breathing deeply and laughing at the gym. My point of failure is when I start to laugh at myself. Thankfully Pete was forewarned and did not take this as an excuse to hurt me more. Core very sore. Pete runs an Awesome ab class and thinks I should join. Maybe he needs more laughs in his class?
2:25pm Decided to attack a pile of weeds obscuring the cobblestones of our new residence with a kitchen broom. The kitchen broom proved largely ineffectual but I made up for this with over zealous sweeping
2:30pm I am stuffed.
3:10pm I applied for a job as one of Santa's helpers in the north pole. Unfortunately due to global warming and the economic crisis Santa has outsourced his factory to China and the salary is not very attractive. Dangnabbit!
3:45pm I receive an email from Australia informing me that other candidates were more suited to the job(They lied and I did not). The bright side is that it saved me a phone call.
3:55pm In a fit of cleanliness I tear apart several of my large storage boxes and find a couple of rainy day things that you put away for rainy days. Shame it is not raining.
4:35pm Received delivery of video footage from Spring Break. Now to further my movie ambitions.
5:06pm Movies are busily converting. I am astounded at the amount of mistakes I have made today in this blog. I am not very good at live blogging. Never book me for a funeral.
5:35pm Time to go and collect the Wife. Wait till she asks what I did today!
7:00pm After collecting my Wife and dinner. My Wife collapses in a fit reading my days antics. Not a bad day of no work!



More to come as it happens. Stay tuned.
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