Thursday, 10 July 2008

Walking the Future

Consider this the briefest respite from my increasingly tall tales. I pause now to sing a merry song lauding my fantastic good luck and current abode. Recent weather patterns have not been beneficial to the single greatest perk of staying here.

Had I wanted to walk, I need not have. We have the technology!

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The Segway Human Transporter has been changing the world in its own fashion. Hence it is no surprise that I end up living in a house rammed full of Segway paraphernalia. There is even a certified Segway engineer here who can attend to both Segway and my own needs.

I jest of course, I am not due for a service for a couple of hundred years yet and it would be a great disservice to Philip Bendall to confuse him with my increasingly odd biology.

Philip is New Zealand’s very own Segway distributor. He was the proud owner of New Zealands very first Segway. Since then he has sold Segways and has run a promotions company. Philip and his partner Katie opened their home to us before we move away and for that we are very grateful.

Where were we? The weather had been appalling and not very Segway friendly. Even after three sunny days I had dared not venture out from the Segway lair. It was warm and we both enjoy being plugged in when the climate is not very clement.

Today however, I ventured out on a Segway. I had forgotten what a positively invigorating experience it is. The wind streaming through my hair, The gentle vibrations coursing through my legs. On returning home I remarked. "it feels like I have been doing something healthy"

Which got me thinking, what if it was healthy? There are bound to be a few cynics out there saying "why don’t you just walk?" But reason and common sense will always be the poor cousins to rampant technology. It is the human way.

Segway vibration training is the answer. Those very same gentle vibrations I remarked upon could be strengthened sending powerful jolts through your body and causing muscle twitch and fibre damage in one sharp movement. After a couple of minutes of Segway vibration training you will be begging to walk.

Segway Joust takes Segway polo and throws you on your head, literally. I actually did a trial run of this earlier in the year. Unfortunately my man of arms was unruly and we were a Segway short but the concept is proven.


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Segways are charged by a wall socket but there is no reason for them not to be chargeable by kinetic energy. A stationary exer-cycle inside a gymnasium could provide the charge for a segway. It makes sense that people expending energy not going anywhere could help someone on a Segway move.

I do believe I am getting a bit silly now. My imagination is spent. My heartfelt thanks to Phil & Katie for our time here. I will miss the segways, but Thailand has something just as grand.

ELEPHANTS!


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