Sunday, 13 July 2008

The games you will play

During our trip to south east Asia we got talking to a squadron of Japanese salary men in a karaoke bar. I’m not one for singing when there is perfectly good drink to be quaffed. Our broken English conversation meandered on to one of my life long loves. Nintendo and gaming

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It was during this slightly inebriated interchange that I let loose with one of my more fanciful theories. Curing the worlds ills with gaming and how Nintendo is perfectly positioned to do this and make a nice sum of money at the same time.

Cue a faintly familiar kidnapping but with less drama; we were traipsed away onto a jet to Kyoto, Japan. My increasingly zany ideas that had I had rarely dare to utter in public had attracted the attention of Satoru Iwata and I was going to work in R&D at Nintendo’s headquarters.

On the eve of my first release I am finally able to share my vision for making the world a better place through a new series of training games and a hint of the big picture.

War is Stupid Training

Nintendo DS - conveniently packaged and equipped with a parachute and landing crate for war zone deployment. War is Stupid Training is the latest in the highly popular training games. With just a few minutes a day the hardest trained soldier or zealot will be a peace loving pacifist in less than a week.

Through clever use of subliminal messaging and patented "reality check" environmental data modeling. Gamers are urged to ask hard questions of command. Data sharing is possible via WiFi and the only way to unlock various parts of the game is by playing wirelessly with combatants from the other side.

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Take some Time out to Think Training.

Do you know how little people actually think or day dream during an average day? Far to little. Thinking is very important, but by and large my observations are that most people think very little and when they do it is often to late. TTTT encourages daily cognitive and chimerical dalliances.

Positive Affirmation Training

Following on from
common sense training for every person that has felt discouraged or has given up on a dream. PAT invigorates long dormant yearnings with its handily placed deep regressive hynoptic eye camera attachment. Supportive and studious this title promises to be the massaging wheelchair that everybody needs sometimes.


My last title is incredibly secret. It is actually such a huge title I have not been able to get my brain and all of the resources around to even begin a specification. It requires a huge investment and Nintendo is famously conservative in its approach to the market. Thankfully, as is with most places I spend time in, it is becoming less conservative. I can only give you a hint as what my next game entails.


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