Monday, 20 August 2007

A.S.S

Welcome to my latest tirade against sensible sensibilities. In this piece we examine A.S.S for the uninformed.

American Superhero Syndrome.

Topically A.S.S is a mental disorder which afflicts people such as myself who were bought up on a diet of comics, poorly animated video games and cheap novels. Symptoms include a propensity of fighting other peoples battles, loathing other peoples illogical love interests and the somewhat admirable ability to change clothing at the drop of a hat.

After 30 years of exhibiting such errant behavior I am now in a position to present a treatment plan and through cognitive engineering rehabilitate such noble modern day agnostic paladins as myself.

Firstly we must start with the cause.

People are really stupid.

Ain't that the truth. If you can accept that you are more than half of the way to absolution. This blog is a prime example of my own stupidity. To think that writing this guide would help heal the world. Leave that to Michael Jackson and we all know he needs some electroshock therapy to fix his face.

Secondly

When money is involved People are more stupid

Its not rocket science but time and time again people will come to you with problems which if you strip away the nicely present emotive arguments have money firmly attached to the rear end of them like a well placed pin with resplendent tassle. Do them a favour call them a donkey and when they don't respond yell A.S.S(do you see what I did there?)

Thirdly

Stay the hell away from broke ass relationships

This perhaps is the hardest lesson. Being sympathetic is a core human value but it really is pathetic when you are hearing about someone breaking up for the umpteenth time. Write them off as learning a hard learned lesson. Think of them as canceling each others faults out. Be happy they aren't inflicting pain and suffering on other souls. Change your phone number. Forge your own death do anything you can to get the fuck away from such and abortion of humanity realised.
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