Never lose a security card again! Read this now!

One of my current tasks is the maintenance and tender love of a somewhat antiquated security card system. It is a bit of a special case but it does do its job quite well (just like me). What people at my company have trouble with is holding onto security cards. Believe it or not there are people out there that I would not trust to hold onto anything. There are two types of repeat offenders.

1. I left my card in my toaster/trousers/car/ash tray. Can I have a card to use for today?
2. I have lost my card. I do not know where it is but I have lost it. Please help me I can not go to the toilet any more and I think I am about to explode.
   

Believe it or not but I am quite accustomed to losing things. Just last week I lost my wallet and that was quite a caper. I am yet to lose my security card however and I am sure I will not. The reason for this……

I have a routine and a plan.

Firstly with some great engineering I have managed to attach my security card to my car keys. I have left the woven strap attached and if the mood takes my fancy I can swing my keys around my head like a modern day sling. When I sit at my desk I plug my USB stick into the front my computer. The USB port acts as a holster for my deadly weapon.

Secondly when I to go to and from work I attach my set of keys to the inside of my bag. This simple procedure means I always know where my keys are and therefore my security card.

Thirdly I am in charge of the whole security card system. If I was to lose my card I would simply issue myself a new one.

There you have it. A fool proof method with a dash of madness. If you follow my lead you will never lose a security card again. If you do, please be nice to the person who gives you a new one. It could be me.